Biking home in the wee hours after a full shift on your feet can be tough. It’s pretty cold these days and that subtle, yet prolonged uphill gradient on my way home reaches its most gruelling point only at the final stages of the journey. Tour de France it is not, but battling gusty winds along the way can be a b*tch. Burning quads and hunger pangs sometimes demand a necessary pit stop at the nearest 7-Eleven (because it’s open) and indulge in the rite of passage that is the 2-croissants-for-10-kroner deal and even then, after being active and foodless for many hours, the greasy, no-added-value snack can feel more an act of desperation rather than a guilty pleasure. Like hooking up with the last single and very drunk guy in the club (another rite of passage…not that I would know anything about this!!)…one can feel rather unsexy scarfing a crumpled pastry at 5.30am, no matter how ‘freshly baked’ it is. Maybe if you were in Paris, okay, but there is little glory in frequenting the F’brg ‘sev’ at this ungodly hour. At least no one else is awake to see you do it.
Nevertheless, there is something about this routine. It’s strangely comforting and to my mind, still beats an hour of head-bobbing on the night bus in London. If I do decide to indulge on the way home, then it really does feel like a reward for myself and it’s nice to know there are a few opportunities to stop along the way home at any hour (and so at my leisure). I often take the time to peruse the selection on offer, usually opting for the chocolate croissant or, in the case of last Friday, the last wilted spandauer with its slightly dulled yellow custard centre still managing a feeble wink at me. I took it out of its misery, convinced I was actively replenishing my (by then) negative calorie count, if not easing my tired legs somehow with…pastry. Still, it’s kind of a fun thing to do and you do meet some interesting characters in passing. I’m referring in particular to the two drunk German guys who asked me (drunkenly) what typical ‘danish’ thing they should/could try. I calmly reminded them that we were in a 7-Eleven and that there was, therefore, nothing ‘typically’ Danish on offer.
So, buns bagged (oo-er), I'm ready to roll. I get home, sneak around the flat so as not to rouse my very asleep roomie, and enjoy the wind down and quiet of the early morning. I might look like a zombie eating a pastry, but inside I’m feeling contented for my efforts and my involvement in this right of passage. I had earned the rewards of food and a good sleep. This last bit of the ritual is one hundred per cent my time and liberating. Such simple things make my life here feel increasingly rounded and right and continue to reveal new things to find value in.
So on that note, I’ve recently been weighing the pros and cons of a longer stay in Copenhagen. I can’t deny that even beyond the idea of trying my hand at writing, I had actually been exploring a new lifestyle, somewhat removed from the ‘big city’ living I had enjoyed over my eleven odd years in London. Many of you may have picked up and moved to another city for reasons of love or work, a cause or otherwise. For my part, this exercise has been more about seeking out a new lifestyle. Moving somewhere simply because the way people lived appealed to me. It sounds like such a luxury now that I write that out, but I’ve never been one to shy away from new experiences and the idea of expanding my horizons. And while, of course, such things do require compromise in other areas, I could not imagine a life without a little risk-taking...
Much of this little project was supposed to be about writing. I will not lie - I haven’t produced as much as I would have hoped by now. But then, there is no question I have made much of my time and gathered a whole new set of stories which amount to something significant in terms of my life. I guess what I’m saying is, the point of this trip was actually addressing a bigger ‘life change’ project, rather than just a ‘writing’ project, and that if I’m honest with myself, it always was. It was just easier to focus on a smaller idea. I still want to continue writing, but while my world has rounded out nicely here for my six-and-a-half months, I feel that a settled life here could still allow me to continue to explore that process more than London life ever did. Personally, I feel I have discovered much about myself and my life in this process and would not limit the value of my efforts solely on what I’ve written (or not yet written, as is the case ;)
In deciding my future course of action, I have simply asked two questions: Do I miss London? And, if I were to go back and pick up there where I left off, how would I feel leaving my life in Copenhagen? As of today, the answers are ‘not much’ and ‘heartbroken’. And there you have it. But perhaps this decision making process is too simple or even clinical for some and you may ask, well, what does your gut tell you? It's telling me that going back to my office job could actually trigger a kind of physical pain in me (even the thought of it makes me twitchy), and that my old routines would no longer suffice to bring me true contentment. So again, there you have it. Now, it’s just about being decisive and taking action...pshaaaaw!
It would be naïve to say that after six months I know for certain that Copenhagen is THE place for me. I am just saying that at a time when my life called for change, I found a new path that I have truly enjoyed strolling along. It’s been gentle and rolling, as well as rocky in patches, but nevertheless, I’ve enjoyed the view and encounters along the way more than I have for a long time and it has all been very organic, which is my way. I have always said, in the balance of things, change is a good way to go and overall, this one has left me more relaxed, which is a good thing indeed, and this is just the beginning.
So, as we approach the end of a very full 2011, I now find myself with some big decisions to make. For the first time in a long while, the approach to Christmas has been gradual and peaceful (and decidedly less commercial!). And for the first time in a long time, the future seems genuinely promising and exciting. Next time, I’ll see if I can come up with some good resolutions to share…and meanwhile, I will try to limit my trips to the ‘sev’ as much as possible…but oh, that ‘freshly-baked’ goodness... ;)
Random Girl
